~ Blessings

16- California. I’m very fortunate that we can go back to California for vacations and holidays. Especially during those winter when I need to thaw out my bones.

17- Health. Considering the fact that I’m over-weight and going on a diet and exercise plan would work wonders for me, I’m amazingly healthy. In a world when so many of our friends and family members either have cancer, have lost their fight to cancer or have some other dreaded illness, I’m thankful that KJ, the kids and myself are all in good health.

18- Murphy. What would I do without my shadow? KJ bought him for me when we were living in California to keep me company because he was traveling so much. There were many days when Murphy was the only living thing I’d see. I swear he can look right into my eyes and understand every word I say to him. And I know he can sense when I need him to just sit close to me. His entire world revolves around me and while there are days when I’m a crabby pants, he still loves me. Unconditionally.

19- The right to an education. I am so thankful that KJ and I were able to provide our kids with a good education. They both made it through college with degrees in fields that they like and because of that, they both have jobs in their field and are able to provide for themselves.

20- Technology. The things we can do with technology these days amazes me!

21- Canada. Karen, I miss you and I am incredibly blessed to have you in my life. That is all.

22- Nebraska. I’ve lived in Nebraska since I was 16 years old and even though I was born and raised in Oklahoma City, Nebraska is my home. I absolutely hated this place when I first moved here. I was a senior in high school and the last thing I wanted to do was move to a new state and make new friends. I was sure I would hate it (and I did) but as I got older, I grew to love it here. Nebraska is where I ‘grew up’, met and married my husband, and raised my family. This is definitely home. Oh yeah, I’m a Big Red fan, too!!

23- “Material” things. A roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on my table.

24- Holidays. That time of year when your friends and loved ones gather together to enjoy the warmth and love of fellowship that only they can provide.

25- Black Friday. That one day out of the year where you don’t sleep. You shop, drink lots of coffee, and stand outside in the dark and cold for deals that will surely be there the following week. But most of all, you make incredible memories.

~ Back off Christmas, It's Not Your Turn

This just makes me giggle . . . .

~ Missing You

“A daughter without her mother is a woman broken. It is a loss that turns to arthritis and settles deep into her bones. ”

― Kristin Hannah

It’s been a year now; a year since you left us, a year since you were laid to rest in your final resting place.

I miss you every day. A ‘feel it deep in my bones’ miss you. And sometimes, it feels as if this pain will never go away. I have so much to tell you; questions to ask and advice to heed. I have celebrations to share with you and pictures for you to gush over. I need your reassurance, I need to hear you say, "this too shall pass". I need to hear your voice, to hear you say, "I love you" one more time.

I miss you. Every day.

~ Blessings

12- Books. My love of books comes from my mom. From the time I was small, she taught me to appreciate the gift of books and the written word. I remember when I was in grade school, I’d be the one who would get the certificates for reading the most books over the summer and during the school year. To this day, I keep a ‘book diary’, keeping track of books I want to read and books I have already read. Thank you mom, for fueling the fire; I will be forever grateful.

13- Music. I love music and I have my dad to thank for that. He was in the radio broadcasting business and music was a staple in my life. Some of my earliest memories are of my dad playing his banjo while singing along. My mom would smile and sometimes sing along and I’d be twirling around to the beat of the music upstairs in my room. While I don’t have a talented musical bone in my body, (I learned this in junior high while in band) thanks to my dad, I can definitely appreciate music and everything that entails.

14- My job. Can I just tell you how much I love my job??? Seriously. Not counting the almost 3 years that we lived in California, I’ve had this job for 12 years. I started working at the high school in 1996 and was ever so thankful when I got my exact same job back just this past March. Having my job back has saved me in so many ways. Thankful. So very thankful.

15- Weekends. Seriously, who doesn’t love weekends? Weekends are reserved for sleeping in, spending time with friends and family, running errands, and vegging. Yep, gotta love weekends.

~ Blessings

It’s November, that time of year when we pay more attention to who and what we’re thankful for. My intention was to do a daily blog this month, mentioning one thing every day that I’m thankful for. While my intentions were good, it’s been a crazy busy month so far and I haven’t been able to do that. I’ve been blessed with so many different things and so many different people in my life. I can honestly say that I have a ‘rich’ life just by the people that I surround myself with.

I’ll get caught up today, on 11-11-11 of all days, and do my best to do a daily blessing through the end of the month.

I’m Thankful For . . .

1 – KJ. Without him, I’d be a mess. His strength, wisdom and love keeps me going. Because of him, I'm a mother and for that alone, I'll be forever thankful. We laugh every day and I know that even though I’m not perfect and I’m definitely not the Barbie doll he married almost 30 years ago, he still loves me just the way I am. We may not always be on the same page but I know that he'll always be there for me, walking beside me and ready to catch me if I fall.

2 – Ryan Michael and Lynsay Michelle. My babies. My heart and soul. The two reasons I’m not just a good mom, but a great mom. They have taught me humility and the true meaning of unconditional love. They are the true gifts in my life.

3 – Cody Lee Luchsinger. My new son-in-law. He loves Lynsay with a passion and for that I’m more than thankful. As the mother of a daughter, I’ve always worried about the man she would one day fall in love with. You want that man to love her deeply and passionately. You want to know that that man will always be there for her; that he’ll never let her down, that he’ll be a good husband and father. With Cody, she’ll have all of that and more.

4- My mom. She ‘chose’ me and despite my many faults and imperfections, she loved me fiercely and unconditionally.

5- My sister. Even though we’re not ‘blood’ sisters, we’re sisters in every other sense of the word. We’re there for each other…always. More importantly, we’re friends.

6- Girlfriends. Can I just say that life is so much better when you have girlfriends to share it with? Your girlfriends automatically ‘get it’. They don’t look at you with that ‘deer in the headlights’ look when you’re telling a story. They can be brutally honest when you need them to be and at the same time, be your staunchest supporter. You don’t like someone? They don’t like them either. Loyalty, baby.

7- Coffee. I love my coffee. The smell, the taste, the gazillion flavors it comes in.

8- Chocolate. Chocolate shouldn’t be included in the basic food groups; it should be it’s own basic food group.

9- My family. We’re small but oh so mighty.

10- Fall. I love Fall. It was one of the main things I missed while living in California. I love everything about fall…the leaves when the change colors, the smell of the air, the crisp, cold mornings. And, Daylight Savings Time. Yeah, I love that one.

11- Veterans. We are the land of the free because of those who continue to protect our country. They leave their friends and families behind while they continually put their lives on the line for us. For our freedom. These men and women are committed to protecting our country and our values. Be so very thankful for them.

~ With The Exchange of a Ring

It’s amazing to me how an event that can take over a year to plan will finally arrive, and then, with the blink of an eye and the exchange of a ring, it’s over. After a 14-month engagement, Lynsay and Cody tied the knot on October 15^th, 2011. After months of planning and last minute fine-tuning, ‘Wedding Day’ finally arrived.

As the mother of the bride, I may be a bit prejudice, but I swear the day couldn’t have been more perfect. The sun was shining and the temperature outside was a glorious 74 degrees. Personally, I believe that my mom had a little something to do with the weather; there wasn’t a cloud or raindrop to be found. In the warmth of the sun, I felt her presence. The bride was breathtaking and the groom was handsome. The ceremony was beautiful and touching, the reception was simply elegant, and the dance had downtown Omaha rockin’ and rollin’. It was truly a night to remember.

The moment a little girl marries off her Ken and Barbie, sending them off on a romantic honeymoon in Barbie’s pink convertible, visions of her own wedding begin to dance through her head. I can only imagine how many ‘princess’ weddings there actually are every year. As her mom, I can only hope that Lynsay’s wedding day was everything and more than she ever dreamed it would be.

There are so many little details when planning a wedding and I have to say that Lynsay didn’t miss a single one. Because it was her wedding, I did my best to keep in the background, offering advice or words of wisdom only when she asked me. I had my own wedding almost 30 years ago; this was her wedding and naturally, like everything else, she wanted to do it her way. And truth be told, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It was a celebratory weekend, to be sure; friends and family from near and far were there to share in the glorious day. It was evident to all in attendance that Lynsay and Cody were surrounded by loved ones and that same love was felt throughout the entire weekend.

Sitting in the pew watching as KJ walked her down the aisle, a lump formed in my throat. Watching him look at her before handing her over to Cody, I actually sobbed a bit. But sitting there made me think. I thought back to my own wedding day and how my mom must have been feeling on the day I married KJ almost 30 years ago. I wondered if, at any time, she felt that ‘loss’ that I was feeling. Oh, I know that I wasn’t actually losing Lynsay, but I have to admit that a teeny tiny part of me was longing for the days when she would crawl up on my lap and fall asleep, the days that I was the first person she wanted to see at the end of her day, and the days she would reach up for my hand as we walked through a crowded store. With the exchange of a ring, she transformed to a Mrs.

I've discovered that it’s one thing when your kids move out to live in a place on their own and it’s something totally different when they get married. At that point, their spouse becomes their first priority and suddenly, with the exchange of a ring, there’s another family to be considered when it comes to celebrating holidays, birthdays, etc.

However, there is this huge positive aspect to consider when your child gets married; the addition of a ‘new’ child. I now have a son-in-law and I couldn’t be more thrilled. KJ and Ryan now have an extra ‘vote’ while Lyns and I have that “3-2” vote to look forward to. With the exchange of a ring, our family of 4 became a family of 5.

Lynsay and Cody, my wish for you is a lifetime of belly laughs, and a houseful of babies just like you; babies with a joyous nature and a laughing spirit. May you always walk side by side and never forget that in life, it’s not so much about the destination as it is the journey. Always, always savor the journey.

May your marriage be a long and unforgettable journey filled with an abundance of love, never-ending laughter, miles of patience, and a strong and unbending faith that will help carry you up and over whatever speed bumps life will inadvertently place in your path.

Remember that home, whether near or far, is not only where your heart is, but always where your family is.

And always remember that I love you both . . .

~ Life Goes On

When tragedy strikes, our friends will tell us that life goes on. We then tend to look at them as if they had three heads. In our mind, we’re thinking they’re crazy and have no clue at all as to what they’re actually saying and how we're actually feeling. I only say this because when I lost my mom, friends would tell me that in time, the pain would ease and that life would go on. While I realize that these words were said with my well being in mind, I remember thinking to myself that the pain of losing my mom will never ease and that while I knew life must go on, it would have to do so without me.

I now know that that is how we think when we lose someone we love, whether it’s a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend, etc. In our mind, life as we know it, is over. I’ve since learned that while our lives may never be the same due to the immense absence of this person in our lives, it does, indeed, go on.

At the beginning, we grudgingly put one foot in front of the other, taking baby steps back towards our life. Day by day, we reclaim bits and pieces of a life that we feel was stolen from us; a life that has now been ‘readjusted’ without our permission.

At first, we don’t recognize the signs. We slowly begin to laugh again. We once again begin to appreciate the little things that we somehow came to ignore, from a blazing sunset sky to a beautiful fall day. We allow our hearts to be touched. We somehow pull ourselves up off the floor of our own despair and toss down the cloak of sadness and self-pity that we’ve been wearing. We let the light replace the darkness, and once again, we begin to live.

I don’t know that there is a set mourning period, or a length of time that we’re supposed to give ourselves to grieve the loss of a loved one. I do know that since losing my mom, I’ve gained more weight than I did while I was pregnant with each of my kids. Obviously, I’m an emotional eater. I know that I became very good at hiding my grief and sadness, plastering a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was hide at home, away from the world. I also know if not for the continued love and support I receive from my husband, my kids, my sister, and an incredible circle of friends, I would have allowed myself to drown in my own dark pool of self-pity.

I’m not ashamed to admit that the pain of losing my mom is still sometimes as fresh as if it happened just yesterday, and I still have days when I cry for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I miss her so terribly. I cry not only for the loss of my mom but for that lost sense of family; the threads of family that bound us together have now unraveled and become so tangled, it will never be the same again.

But, as we all know, whether it’s one step at a time or one big, giant leap, life does, in fact, go on. It will do this with us or without us and we can choose to participate or watch from the sidelines as it passes us by. I have so much to be thankful for and I, for one, am ready to embrace my now readjusted life.