~ With The Exchange of a Ring

It’s amazing to me how an event that can take over a year to plan will finally arrive, and then, with the blink of an eye and the exchange of a ring, it’s over. After a 14-month engagement, Lynsay and Cody tied the knot on October 15^th, 2011. After months of planning and last minute fine-tuning, ‘Wedding Day’ finally arrived.

As the mother of the bride, I may be a bit prejudice, but I swear the day couldn’t have been more perfect. The sun was shining and the temperature outside was a glorious 74 degrees. Personally, I believe that my mom had a little something to do with the weather; there wasn’t a cloud or raindrop to be found. In the warmth of the sun, I felt her presence. The bride was breathtaking and the groom was handsome. The ceremony was beautiful and touching, the reception was simply elegant, and the dance had downtown Omaha rockin’ and rollin’. It was truly a night to remember.

The moment a little girl marries off her Ken and Barbie, sending them off on a romantic honeymoon in Barbie’s pink convertible, visions of her own wedding begin to dance through her head. I can only imagine how many ‘princess’ weddings there actually are every year. As her mom, I can only hope that Lynsay’s wedding day was everything and more than she ever dreamed it would be.

There are so many little details when planning a wedding and I have to say that Lynsay didn’t miss a single one. Because it was her wedding, I did my best to keep in the background, offering advice or words of wisdom only when she asked me. I had my own wedding almost 30 years ago; this was her wedding and naturally, like everything else, she wanted to do it her way. And truth be told, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

It was a celebratory weekend, to be sure; friends and family from near and far were there to share in the glorious day. It was evident to all in attendance that Lynsay and Cody were surrounded by loved ones and that same love was felt throughout the entire weekend.

Sitting in the pew watching as KJ walked her down the aisle, a lump formed in my throat. Watching him look at her before handing her over to Cody, I actually sobbed a bit. But sitting there made me think. I thought back to my own wedding day and how my mom must have been feeling on the day I married KJ almost 30 years ago. I wondered if, at any time, she felt that ‘loss’ that I was feeling. Oh, I know that I wasn’t actually losing Lynsay, but I have to admit that a teeny tiny part of me was longing for the days when she would crawl up on my lap and fall asleep, the days that I was the first person she wanted to see at the end of her day, and the days she would reach up for my hand as we walked through a crowded store. With the exchange of a ring, she transformed to a Mrs.

I've discovered that it’s one thing when your kids move out to live in a place on their own and it’s something totally different when they get married. At that point, their spouse becomes their first priority and suddenly, with the exchange of a ring, there’s another family to be considered when it comes to celebrating holidays, birthdays, etc.

However, there is this huge positive aspect to consider when your child gets married; the addition of a ‘new’ child. I now have a son-in-law and I couldn’t be more thrilled. KJ and Ryan now have an extra ‘vote’ while Lyns and I have that “3-2” vote to look forward to. With the exchange of a ring, our family of 4 became a family of 5.

Lynsay and Cody, my wish for you is a lifetime of belly laughs, and a houseful of babies just like you; babies with a joyous nature and a laughing spirit. May you always walk side by side and never forget that in life, it’s not so much about the destination as it is the journey. Always, always savor the journey.

May your marriage be a long and unforgettable journey filled with an abundance of love, never-ending laughter, miles of patience, and a strong and unbending faith that will help carry you up and over whatever speed bumps life will inadvertently place in your path.

Remember that home, whether near or far, is not only where your heart is, but always where your family is.

And always remember that I love you both . . .

~ Life Goes On

When tragedy strikes, our friends will tell us that life goes on. We then tend to look at them as if they had three heads. In our mind, we’re thinking they’re crazy and have no clue at all as to what they’re actually saying and how we're actually feeling. I only say this because when I lost my mom, friends would tell me that in time, the pain would ease and that life would go on. While I realize that these words were said with my well being in mind, I remember thinking to myself that the pain of losing my mom will never ease and that while I knew life must go on, it would have to do so without me.

I now know that that is how we think when we lose someone we love, whether it’s a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend, etc. In our mind, life as we know it, is over. I’ve since learned that while our lives may never be the same due to the immense absence of this person in our lives, it does, indeed, go on.

At the beginning, we grudgingly put one foot in front of the other, taking baby steps back towards our life. Day by day, we reclaim bits and pieces of a life that we feel was stolen from us; a life that has now been ‘readjusted’ without our permission.

At first, we don’t recognize the signs. We slowly begin to laugh again. We once again begin to appreciate the little things that we somehow came to ignore, from a blazing sunset sky to a beautiful fall day. We allow our hearts to be touched. We somehow pull ourselves up off the floor of our own despair and toss down the cloak of sadness and self-pity that we’ve been wearing. We let the light replace the darkness, and once again, we begin to live.

I don’t know that there is a set mourning period, or a length of time that we’re supposed to give ourselves to grieve the loss of a loved one. I do know that since losing my mom, I’ve gained more weight than I did while I was pregnant with each of my kids. Obviously, I’m an emotional eater. I know that I became very good at hiding my grief and sadness, plastering a smile on my face when all I wanted to do was hide at home, away from the world. I also know if not for the continued love and support I receive from my husband, my kids, my sister, and an incredible circle of friends, I would have allowed myself to drown in my own dark pool of self-pity.

I’m not ashamed to admit that the pain of losing my mom is still sometimes as fresh as if it happened just yesterday, and I still have days when I cry for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I miss her so terribly. I cry not only for the loss of my mom but for that lost sense of family; the threads of family that bound us together have now unraveled and become so tangled, it will never be the same again.

But, as we all know, whether it’s one step at a time or one big, giant leap, life does, in fact, go on. It will do this with us or without us and we can choose to participate or watch from the sidelines as it passes us by. I have so much to be thankful for and I, for one, am ready to embrace my now readjusted life.