~ Balance & Empty Nest Syndrome

I love working and I love my job. It’s a job that I’ve loved since I started at the high school in 1996. Having my old job back after not working for three years is exciting.

That being said, while I love my job, I find that I’m having a hard time finding my ‘balance’ now that I’m actually working again. I seem to always be in a rush once I get home. At the end of the school day, I get home, start a load of laundry, do whatever needs done around the house and then start dinner. After dinner, I clean the kitchen, finish the laundry and then try to relax for an hour before I shower and get ready for the next work day. Somewhere in all of this, I try to find time (at least I hope I do) for KJ and Murphy.

I’m now starting to wonder how I managed to balance work and home when the kids were young. I worked 7 hours a day, 5 days a week (granted, I had school breaks and summers off), I taxied the kids to and from all their activities, doctor/dentist appointments; I cleaned the house every week, did 5 to 6 loads of laundry a week, and the grocery shopping and yet I don’t recall being frazzled or ever feeling rushed.

Is this because as parents of young children, we throw ourselves full steam ahead into our parental duties, not caring that we also work 35-40 hours a week? Or are we just so tired at the end of each day that we don’t realize that we’re frazzled or feeling rushed? Is this what ‘being balanced’ is when we’re parents and we don’t recognize or know what being ‘off balance’ is?

Granted, I’m still a parent, but Ryan and Lynsay are now 25 and 23 respectively. They’re both on their own and are in charge of their own lives. They are finally the ‘boss of themselves.’ I no longer have to drop one off at football and the other off at dance. I am no longer the magician, who, at one time, could actually be two places at once.

It’s not like I have to rush home and get that laundry list of things done all in one evening. It’s not like KJ is demanding and wants his dinner on the table the very second he walks in the door. If his blue shirt isn’t clean, he’ll wear the black one; it’s no big deal to him.

So why do I feel like I’m always in a rush to get things done? It’s because for 18 years, this was my life. I was raising my children – I was a parental taxi making sure each one was where they had to be at the time they had to be there. I made sure they had clean clothes to wear and hot meals to eat. I got them to the doctor and the dentist, the weekend sleepovers and the mall. I was super mom. And in between the carting around, the cooking, the cleaning, and the laundry, I still managed to spend quality time with both of my kids.

And now I miss it. I feel off kilter if I’m not busy (imagine how I must have felt in California where I wasn’t working and my kids were 2,000 miles away). I am finally feeling that ‘empty nest’ syndrome and I have a confession to make: I don’t like it. Not one little bit.

Maybe this is all in part because it has finally hit me that Lynsay will be graduating from college in two weeks and then moving right away to Columbus. Add to this her approaching wedding in October – yeah, empty nest syndrome. When KJ was traveling and Ryan left for college, it was just Lynsay and I. Now she will truly be in charge of her own life and while I’m incredibly thrilled for her, at the same time I’m a little sad. The time period that I have been looking forward to and dreading at the same time is finally here – it’s called “Empty Nest “ and it’s not anything that I expected.

Maybe as mothers, we’re supposed to feel off-balanced at this time. Maybe as mothers, this is just part of our make up, part of what makes us a mom. While I hate to say it, I also wonder if it goes back to that feeling of being needed by our children. I’m just going to say yes to all of the above and let it go at that.

Empty Nest – something we all look forward to but not always everything it’s cracked up to be; the time in our lives where finding our balance doesn’t come as easy or as quickly as we’d like. That time period in which we start praying for grandchildren and we can once again be blissfully balanced.