~ Wisdom

we don’t receive wisdom;

we must discover it for ourselves

after a journey that no one can take for us

or spare us.

. . . Marcel Proust

~ I Carry Your Heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. Cummings

Happy Valentine’s Day . . .

~ Memories

If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”
. . . Daphne de Maurier

There are times when I wish this were true, times when I miss my mom so much and all the memories of her go rushing through my mind all at once. Wouldn't this be nice and then we could just go through each memory, one day at a time. Savoring each memory, each day.

~ Random Thought

~ Hello, 2012

I’m not too crazy about the word ‘resolutions’ when it comes to the New Year because a resolution is like a promise and while breaking a promise to another person is bad enough, breaking a promise to myself would make me feel twice the loser.

So, instead of resolutions, I now have goals that I try to reach. This year, I’d like to finally win the ‘battle of the bulge.’ My goal is a 25-pound weight loss by Christmas of 2012. I know if I can find the willpower to cut back on the sweets that I love so much, I can accomplish this goal. Oh, I’d have to cut way back on Starbucks and Scooter’s, too.

I’d like patience to be more than just a virtue. I have patience in most areas but totally lack it in others. For instance, driving. Absolutely no patience. I don’t get road rage, but I hate getting behind slow drivers. I start talking to myself and to them. Annoyed. But not road rage. No matter what Ryan says.

Kinder. I’d like to think that I’m kind but admittedly, there are times when I’m not as kind as I could be. I have a warm and giving heart but I’m not always kind.

I’m also in the process of growing a ‘thicker skin’ and letting things that were once bothersome no longer be such an issue. I knew someone years ago who would always tell me, “It is what it is.” I’ve now adopted that mantra. I’ve also come to the realization that I can’t be responsible for the choices others make; I can only be responsible for my own choices, my own words, my own actions.

I would also like to read more. If you were to ask Lynsay, she’d probably tell you that I have my nose in a book 24/7. About summer time of last year, I started keeping a ‘book diary’, listing all the books and authors I’ve read. I also keep a similar diary in my purse, but this one has all the books and authors that I want to read. Yes, I read a lot but I want to read more. Thanks, mom.

Wise. Oh how I wish I were more wise. I wish I knew just what to say at just the right time. Sometimes my mouth speaks before my brain thinks. I definitely need to learn the art of the perfectly timed ‘pause’.

Inspirational. I want to be an inspiration to my kids, and to the kids at school.

Writing. My goal is to devote more time to my writing, whether it’s poetry, journaling, or blogging, I need to write more.

As always, I will continue to strive to be a good wife and mother. And, a good mother in-law. I will also continue to strive to be a good role model at school for all the students I come in contact with.

Here’s to accomplishing my 'goals' for 2012 . . . .

~ Revelations

There’s been a lot going on in my personal life the last 3 months or so. Over break, I did a lot of ‘soul searching’, a lot of thinking about things that have been done and words that have been said. Like a ship thrashing across a choppy sea, words have been carelessly tossed about, and like an arrow shot from the bow of a perfect archer, those words found their bulls-eye.

Just a little thought about those words. We are the sole owners of any word while it travels through our thoughts. But once those words pass through our thoughts and escape through our lips, we can never get them back. They’re out there, dangling in mid-air, always out of our reach. The words have now passed on to someone new, the person they were directed at. And like it or not, ownership is now shared. Your choice, not theirs.

After all my thinking, after searching my heart and going over events and conversations, given another chance, there’s not a thing that I would do differently.

Sadly, it is what it is. Right or wrong, we have to live with the consequences of our own choices. However, we do not have to live with the burden of the choices of others. We have to own our mistakes, take responsibility for our words and our actions. We can’t force others to do the same. We have to make peace with ourselves and move forward. With them or without them.

~ Changes

I started this blog when KJ and I moved to California. It started as a way for me to better communicate with friends and family on California living, what was new and exciting in our lives and the lives of the kids. It slowly became an outlet for me. An outlet for me to free my mind and release whatever thoughts were passing through my head on any given day. Put pen to paper, so to speak, and just let the words flow.

I’ve been told that I have a gift with words, that I can write, and write well. I don’t know if that is true but I do know that I enjoy putting my thoughts down on paper and making them into something. I’ve decided to devote more time to my writing this year and even if I write just for me, that’s okay. Someday when I’m gone, my legacy to my kids will be whatever I’ve written through the years.

So, I’ve also decided to make a few changes to my blog. Instead of it being mostly about family happenings, I’ll add in quotes that I like and revelations that I’ve made where it pertains to my life. I might add a recipe or two of family favorites, something of my mom’s or something I’ve found during my online travels. I might even add a poem or two that I’ve written. I’ll still write about my family – I mean, how can I not, right?

Thinking about it, I guess this will be somewhat of an ‘online diary’ of what’s going on, what I’m thinking, reading, etc. A new coffee I’ve discovered, a new product I’ve tried, a new author who has caught my attention.

Enjoy . . .